By Kim Potgieter, MD of Chartered Wealth Solutions, Certified Financial Planner, Author and Coach
Many women enter marriage with a clear picture of the wedding day, and a much less clear picture of the financial life they are stepping into.
I have sat in planning meetings where women discover, sometimes after years of marriage, how much debt there is, where the money is invested, and how exposed they may be if life changes. That is a vulnerable place to be.
The wedding gets months of attention: the venue, the dress, the guest list, the flowers, the honeymoon. But long after the day has passed, you will still be making decisions together about income, debt, children, property, careers, ageing parents and how you each want to live. Those conversations shape a marriage.
Your money story is your own
We all carry money stories, inherited from the homes we grew up in – who controlled the money, who asked for it, who felt powerful and who felt powerless. Your money story does not have to follow the same tune.
My mother was a stay-at-home mom, and my father controlled every cent she spent. She had to ask and justify, and had very little autonomy over money. I promised myself early in life that my story would be different. For me, money has always represented freedom of choice.
You can love someone, build a life with them, raise children together, and still remain financially empowered, informed and involved.
Before the ring, talk about the life
Before you get married, talk honestly about the life you each want to build. What are your hopes and dreams? What does security mean to you? What does freedom mean to you? Money will sit inside all of those answers.
For one person, money may mean safety. For another, freedom of choice. One may be comfortable with debt, while the other feels anxious at the thought of owing money. These differences become difficult when they are never spoken about.
Once you understand the bigger life plan, the money plan becomes clearer – what you are saving for, how you will manage debt, and how you will protect the future you both want. Your marriage contract forms part of this too: get proper legal advice, but don’t stop there. The contract sets out the legal framework; you still need the human conversations about money, roles and responsibility.
Take your place in the money conversation
Both partners should be involved in the family finances. You may never enjoy spreadsheets, but you still need to know where you stand. Attend the planning meetings. Understand the plan well enough to ask questions and make informed decisions.
I have sat with women too many times who trusted their partners to take care of everything, only to discover after death, divorce or illness that they did not know enough to protect themselves. Autonomy means having your own credit history, emergency savings, investments, risk cover, an updated will and clear beneficiaries.
The cost of “we’ll figure it out”
When children arrive, roles can change quickly. You may reduce your hours, pause your career or become the primary parent. What you cannot do is become financially exposed in the process.
I have seen many stay-at-home parents stop contributing to their investments because they are no longer earning. Years later, the gap is difficult to close. Have the conversation before the decision is made: how will retirement contributions continue? Will both partners’ investments still grow? What happens if the relationship ends, or if one partner dies?
Love deserves honest money conversations
Many women carry a great deal – children, careers, parents, households – and it is easy to place their own money last on the list. Please don’t. Your money needs your attention because your life needs your attention.
Before you say “I do”, ask the brave questions. How will we make money decisions? How will we protect each other? How will I keep my independence and still build a shared life? These conversations are part of choosing each other fully – they give you the best chance of building a life that supports both your dreams.
Marriage should make space for love, family, commitment and shared dreams. It should also make space for your voice, your autonomy and your financial future. For more information, visit www.charteredwealth.co.za
